I love her much. Er-ane, med student com writer, shares this utterly beautiful first-time moment in her life. Read on and do leave your comments below.
“I love flowers.”
“I love chocolates.”
“I love butterflies.”
“I love Tom Cruise.”
“I love him.”
“I love her”… The phrase ‘I love’, whether used in its sometimes overrated context as in relationships, or the innocent pure “I love you” uttered by a babe to his mama, is one widely used.
But what really is the word ‘love’ and what does the phrase ‘I love…’ signify.
A philosopher, Julian Baggini, describes love as a ‘passionate commitment’. Catherine Wybourne, a nun, states that love is one thing that can never hurt anyone. The Encarta dictionary on my laptop describes the term as ‘to like something very much’.
I once had this mentality, while growing up, of not being good enough. There was this lack of contentment on so many levels and probably a bit of inward hatred for a while at various stages. Not being tall enough, not being slim enough not being smart enough, but the longest stage was probably that of not being pretty enough which captured the entire not being good enough.
I drew myself into a shell most times and shied away from a lot. Dare I say, I lost so many opportunities due to these insecurities.
Some people say, ‘when you fall in love, you reach a good measure of happiness’. The inner me began searching for something, for love and thus my measure of happiness. Weeks, months, years. From a country to another, then I found what I was looking for. Let me say, this was my FIRST TIME OF TRULY BEING IN LOVE WITH MYSELF.
And truly was I happy indeed(*laughs). My life suddenly seemed to fit. It was like no matter what the world threw at me; I always had this person. The one person, besides my God, I trusted. The one person like Catherine stated couldn’t hurt me. The period of this realization was like a huge turning point for me. I suddenly had this extra measure of confidence, like I was daring the world before me.
This person I fell in love with was strong, intelligent. Oh, not perfect. Not perfect at all, but amazing, okay and willing to grow; could make me laugh out so loud even when alone; was part of my critic team and dared me daily to be better.
You want to know how I felt? I was happy. And that’s when I knew I was in love. I was truly in love with myself!
Hold up, before you say, “Who’s this creep?”, (*laughs), I don’t mean love in some weird, twisted and negative sense. I had just hit a realization that all this while I was looking for someone else to be happy, looking into the world for happiness, I had this inner bliss going on.
When we use the phrase ‘I love’, it stands for long-term devotion, as Baggin’s stated, a passionate commitment, I had that kind of devotion to myself.
This type of love, well psychologists call it Philautia(tho I find that extreme), I call it self-love. I had an entirely new perspective of things learning to love myself, and it pushed me to sacrifice more and love others much more.
Knowing how much I love and believe in myself, I know how much I can invest in the world. Invest in relationships.
This love didn’t cancel all my insecurities, I mean I’m not any taller, but it built me on them and helped me to accept who I truly was.
For the first time, I had reached a good measure of contentment and happiness.