Coffee and Chocolate.?
You know, back when I was a student in Donetsk, I never understood why people had coffee and chocolates. I tried it then, basically for trying sake.
After changing clothes, my next point of duty was this awesome point at the entrance. Coffee and chocolate became a morning routine. It wasn’t just any type of chocolate: It had to be Ritter Sport: Weiss+Crisp.(I had this chocolate only when it was coffee time) I couldn’t believe I got in a huff when I pressed a wrong number on the vending machine and KitKat slipped out??.
On days when I snuck something from home or had a bowl of Golden Morn, a cup of coffee would suffice but coffee it had to be. Ok,I was having cappuccino more often. I actually looked forward to this “ritual” and honestly, my very short sleep hours demanded a cup every morning.
Tuesday was a good day to be alive, well and in the hospital.
After the morning meeting, I headed to one of the ORs. I watched them round up a procedure and I asked if I could assist in the next. The doctor there told me to ask someone else. I didn’t even know her but I waited just outside the OR. For 1hr 30mins, I stood, waiting. The procedure began and I went in; really observing. I was present for all the preliminary procedures: wheeling in the patient, anaesthesia/intubation, the necessary fixations, distinction/preparation of the operating field.. the scalpel was just about to go down when that “permanently stressed doctor came in”. Next thing, this really, really nice resident that had helped me through some procedures I didn’t know/remember in my first week, came apologising to me. She explained the circumstance over and over again and kept on apologising and I was like, common, it’s ok. Very ok. I’d just go to another OR.
The point is, I was booted out!!!
I didn’t really feel so bad. I did, though; a little bit. I felt so bad I said I was never returning to that particular OR. It’d be off limits for me. I had a second reason for this.
I went to another OR and in that moment, I felt blue. Yeah! I could feel it. I could feel myself letting go of all the wonderful things I was experiencing. I could feel myself drop the hype. Funny as it may sound, it felt almost ok to just be sad. Aside the fact that I missed rounds cos I wanted to be in the OR then got booted out, I was having doubts about some issues and it just came in that moment.
I was slipping into a state I didn’t want to return to…
In that moment, I also knew it was a mind thing. If I focused my mind on something good and positive, I’d successfully climb out and remain in the light. Sometimes, it’s easier said than done.
I got a message from a friend of mine and somehow, it joggled things for me. I wasn’t perfectly ok but I wasn’t predominantly blue too anymore. I felt better and thankful.
I observed, got tired and took a break.
Before I left the second OR, my partner, Hareth had asked if I knew what the next procedure was.
“Do you know what VACTERL association is?”
No. I replied. He told me what the acronym meant. Honestly, I had not heard of it, ever before.
You know, you could just google what it means or check my next post to know what it stands for and get my own experience.
You know you should stick around ?