Read yesterday’s post here
The truth is, I was stressing out! I was missing out on the fun I had been having and the great things I was learning for what? Cos I thought I was getting “chanced” from ORs? Common, Ruth! This was me talking to myself.

I realised that it was not a competition. I was counting my scrub in times, work hours, blah blah, blah. It wasn’t a competition, Ruth. Even if it was for anyone else, even if it was about: GRAB IT ALL!!! for someone else, I learnt that what should drive me (and I think anyone else) shouldn’t be competition or solely the need to be the best! You heard me right! I’d talk about this in a post hopefully sometime this year.

I was missing my peace. I missed the times I understood the many things that weren’t a do or die affair. I missed how I felt when I couldn’t scrub in but was content with watching and learning (because for those occasions, that was enough). I’m not saying it’s ok to settle…The bottom line is, if anything drove me, if anything fired up my interest to do and to be or to get something done, it shouldn’t have to be the need to  “score points” or keep count. It should be something deeper, something better.
This stress about what I did and did not do was making me question my friends just a few hours from the last day, was making me hurt myself and really, I wasn’t getting anything done.

This was why on Friday when I rushed to an OR I was supposed to be in and saw Nafissa already scrubbed in, I was peaceful, not hurting and told her it was ok. I, however, explained that I thought I could scrub in since Hareth and I were the students to be in that OR. She apologised saying she never knew and since she randomly paged, she got there before me. Trust me, I knew she did not know.
When she put her hand to her chest and told me she would never, never have stolen a/my/our surgery, I felt like throwing my arms around her in a hug… Seriously, it was ok.

 My conclusion was, no one was out to steal any surgeries. Inasmuch as I was assigned to a ward that’d have given permission to assist in surgeries, I was also given the permission to be almost anywhere within the department.

I decided to do what I was committed to doing right from the day I stepped foot on that campus: learn and be happy. I could poke my head anywhere and achieve that minus an occupied OR. ?This, was enough…


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